Criminal Intent

So, back from the Dirty Myrtle and Charleston.  More on that fun to come.

But first, I have to enlighten you all to something amazing.  One of the best business ideas I've seen in a long time.

Let me break it down for you:

Sunday night. Not much going on in the way of night-life in Charleston.  We decide the best idea is to head to the Lil' Cricket corner store and grab some adult beverages and make our way back to the hotel for some drinking games.  Now, remember when I talked about Donks?  Well, the Lil' Cricket had one.  But there was no customization.  It was just a busted old Caprice Classic with wood paneled siding and a lift kit.  No rims.  Just stock 16 inch wheels.  Anyways, as we're leaving the Lil' Cricket, Step-on-me spots this doozy of a periodical for the low, low price of $1.00 (best dollar we ever spent):

Remember the Highlights Magazines when you were a kid?  The one with the puzzles and games?  This is like that, but for adults.

Puzzle #1

Heidi looks like she's having a hell of a time in jail.

Puzzle #2

Venus Williams in the bottom left hand corner could throw you off here.

I'm not giving you the answers just yet.  Let's see if anyone can get them right.  Comment below to see how you do.  Here's a hint to #2:  The answer is a crime.  Although they all quite possible have the same V.D., I'm sorry to report that's not the answer.

I win.

mr. overly competitive

Hot and Steamy with a Chance of Self Love

Dear Texas,

We all know how you feel about yourself.  Self love is a good way not to get someone or yourself pregnant, but for you, it’s just odd.  The state of Texas tattoos, the giant state of Texas emblems on every highway bridge, and the Texas-sized. . . . .well, everything.  We get it, you’re a big state.  Well, I’m from Michigan so I thought I would one up you and get myself a state of Michigan tattoo:

What do you think?  

Although I wish that splotchy, pasty white chest with oddly positioned nipples could be mine, it’s not.  But you see how ridiculous it is to get a TATOO OF A STATE, right?  Good.

Now that that’s settled, let’s talk about weather.  

Triple Digits for a week straight?  Seriously?  Thanks to you, my A/C blew up two days ago.  I had one hooottt dog when I got home.  And not the yummy, questionable meat kind either.  Our apartment was about 98 degrees when I got home Tuesday and Nick Lachey wasn’t even there.  No, but seriously, the thermometer read 98 degrees.  (Read: The sweat dropped down my balls)  It was a swamp-ass nightmare.  

So, in conclusion, I’m leaving you tomorrow.  We’re going to the Carolinas to get away from your hot, sticky mess and to a place where state pride is demonstrated by flying a confederate flag out the back of your pick-up.  Good day, sir.

I said good day!

I win,
mr. overly competitive  

Pee.S - Don’t forget to check out “Would you Rather. . . . .” daily.  I promise it will give you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside and make your day more interesting. . . . . . .or at least a bit more humorous! 

Would you rather. . . . ?

Question for the ages, right?  Well get this.

There's a new blog in town.  It's called Would You Rather. . . . and it's coming to an office or playground near you.  There may even be an app for that.  Hmmmm. . . . .million dollar idea of the day?

In all seriousness though, you should check this out and follow this daily.  You won't be disappointed.  You might even find yourself strangely aroused. 

Go ahead.  Click it.  I dare you!
WOULD YOU RATHER. . . . .


I win.
mr. overly competitive

Cops and Robbers

We just got robbed.  Not at gunpoint, but with a whistle.  Who didn't watch the World Cup (or at least Sportscenter for the highlights)?  

Well, if you didn't watch it, here's a recap . . . . .and a kick to the baby-maker.  Way to be un-American.

We were down 0-2 going into the second half.  We scored 2 goals to tie the game and with about six minutes left, scored again.  Except this guy in the yellow shirt below, screwed the pooch.  Right in the pooper.  

Photo Source

I'm not whining.  That's what the rest of the world is going to say about this when they hear anyone from the U.S. say anything about this play.  But com'n. . . .even the most inept sports fan can see that the ref stuck his hand in our pocket, fiddled with our junk, and then left with our wallets.  

The only thing giving us hope is that the epidemic of bad teeth finally caught up with England and they weren't able to beat Algeria.  So . . .a win against Algeria for the U.S. puts us through to the next round.  

If this were another country, the ref would already be dead . . . . . or in a barn somewhere being forced to watch re-runs of That's So Raven.  

I win.

mr. overly competitive

The Shoe that Lost its Way

Have I got a funny one for you.  It may be one of those “you had to be there" moments, but I think you’ll find the humor in it nonetheless.

Today is my buddy’s (and colleague’s) birthday.  Now, to know the guy explains a lot.  He’s a bit of a kid-at-heart.  Still reads comic books.  Still plays video games....lots of video games.  And has plenty of action figure toys at his desk.  So, it’s not unusual that someone dropped off a birthday present for him today that involved a remote and a helicopter flown by said remote.  It’s 9 in the morning on a Wednesday . . . . what else are we going to do but make him open that puppy up and give it a test run!?!

After an hour of untangling the wires that hold the pieces to the package, we realized we were two AA batteries short of a good time.  After parading around the office to find the 2 batteries, we were set to take flight.  Because everyone knows you can’t fly a helicopter inside, we took the show out front.  Butofcourse.  Unfortunately, the first flight landed our little buddy in a tree . . . . .where we couldn’t reach it.  After Zach’s 2 inch vertical jump failed to bring down the toy, Junior resorted to removing a shoe and tossing it at the branch in which the helicopter was lodged.  After 2 hits, it hung on by little more than a leaf.  One more hit and we’d be good. . . .well, we'd be good.  Junior would be a bum (you'll get it later).  My job was to catch the helicopter to keep it from hitting the car underneath the tree, but more importantly to keep the toy from breaking.  Because we’d then be bored again and have to go back into work.  Zach’s job was to supervise.  Junior's job was to catch his shoe to keep it from hitting the car beneath the tree.  Zach supervised (FAIL).  I caught the helicopter (WIN).  Junior didn’t catch his shoe (FAIL).  Unfortunately, there just happened to be a storm drain directly beneath us.  Junior’s shoe didn’t survive and fell into the depths of a storm drain.  So, now you have three grown kids, laughing hysterically, holding a remote control helicopter, and one of them is walking around with one shoe on.   See, I told you it was funny.  I can't make this up.

So, you know we couldn't let the shoe just be all by its lonesome in the storm drain.  So, we devised a brilliant extraction plan MacGruber-style using a coat hanger and a small mirror. There was gum involved, but I swallowed it on the way outside.   

Chicks dig guys who play in sewer drains.

 Today, for the first time in mr. overly competitive history, we have a co-champion.  Junior wins.  And of course. . . . .

I win.

mr. overly competitive

World Cup Woes

I was so excited by the World Cup’s impending takeover of the sports world. . . . even in the overwhelmingly soccer I.Q.-less Nation of the U.S. of A.  Seriously, it’s like a transient bum.  The media attention comes in for a month every 4 years, steals your food and liquor, and then is gone.  On to the next stop.  But so far in the five days the World Cup has been playing, I’m getting quite bored.  The teams that should be playing brilliantly, are barely coming out with a win . . .if not a draw.  I’m talking about you France and Portugal.

I will say however, that I’m pretty pleased our team was able to pull out a draw with Merry-Ol’ England.  That’s what they get for producing the likes of Madonna and a kid named Apple.  Wait, Madonna’s from Michigan?  Why does she speak with a British accent then?  Stupid Carl.

The bonus of all this is that I work at a place that encourages us to stay up with the World Cup.  Therefore they have a full room dedicated to playing the games on a projection screen everyday.  Boo-ya!

So, since I can watch the World Cup all day, but have been less than impressed, I have some letters to write:

Yes, ladies.  It's true.

Photo Source

Letter #1
Dear Ronaldo,

Please spend less time taking dives and waxing your legs, and more time scoring goals.  Oh, and your hair gel is asking for a rest.

Sincerely,
mr. overly competitive

Letter #2
Dear Alexi Lalas,

Stop talking.

I hate you,
mr. overly competitive

Letter #3
Dear Media,

Yes, the Vuvuzelas are loud.  They are HORNS.
Yes, the ball is new and the players are going to complain about it.

We get it.  Loud noises and big balls scare you.  Get.Over.It.

I win.
mr. overly competitive

Riddle Me This . . . .

I’ve got questions, hopefully there’s answers:

Question 1
Why in the world are there Braille dots on the key pad of a drive-up ATM?  I went to the bank the other day and couldn’t stop thinking about this when I left.  It’s haunting me.  Like Lindsay Lohan’s pancake boobies.  [shudder]

Question 2
Why isn’t palindrome spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?  We made this watch and nicknamed it Palindrome for the Starck brand.  It’s a cool word, but you’d think whoever came up with it could have been a little more ironic.  Thanks, Webster.

Question 3
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?  So maybe you’ve all heard that they are coming out with an animated Smurf movie.  Awesome, right?  Gotta love old school cartoons.  I feel sorry for kids these days.  They don’t know what they missed.  Anyways, Barney Stinson, AKA Doogie Howser, AKA Neil Patrick Harris, AKA The.Coolest.Gay.Man.Ever.That.I’d.Swear.Was.a.Straight.Man is one of the voices along with George Lopez, Jayma Mays, B.J. Novak, Katy Perry, and Hank Azaria.  Too bad it wasn’t live-action.  Who knew there were mexican Smurfs?

RIDDLE ME THAT!

In other news, I am heading back to Myrtle Beach, SC where I went to school (Read: where I went to go surfing) here in a couple weeks for the Duurty Thuurty party.  Yeah, I hit that milestone about 3 weeks ago.  But, if this RedNeck-Fest doesn’t make me feel 21 again, nothing will.  I hear there was a slip-n-slide involved . . . . . should be fun.  In fact, here's my latest interaction with another one of my buddy's being inducted into the 30 year-old hall of fame:

Me:  So, what should I bring to this RedNeck Fest in a couple weeks besides my super white thighs and a case of Natty Light?

His Response . . . .

I can't wait!

I win. 

mr. overly competitive

Missing You

Holy crap!!  Where have you been?  Where have I been!?!

I'd like to say I was off saving the world with Sally Struthers or off in China making millions of dollars creating these little bracelet things:

Seriously?  I guarantee these things cost a hay penny to make apiece.  Add that to a $1.00 for the packaging (at most) and then sell them at $15 for a pack of 72?  Why can't I think of an idea that makes me a margin of 900%?  (Yes, I did the math).  Even if these things trend for a year, whoever came up this idea just retired.  But, I digress. . . . . . .

Anyhoo, lots of things we've missed in my absence.  Let's recap the top five happenings in the last 2-3 weeks:

5.  Jim Joyce (MLB umpire) humanized officials in Major League sports and Armando Galarraga showed that not all professional athletes are prima donnas.  Take notes, Cristiano Ronaldo.
4.  We decided that our Mahi Mahi is best served with a side of Quaker State.  Good work BP.
3.  The weather in Dallas hit 100 the other day and there's no end in sight.  Apparently it's going to be around 105 degrees this weekend or swamp ass weather, as I like to call it.
2.  Some punks climb up to our second story balcony in the middle of the night and stole a bike and pair of shoes.  Scary thing is, we were in the middle of moving so we had just decided to sleep out in the living room . . . . with the patio door unlocked.  Our viscous guard dog barked and growled, but when I investigated in my hazy, sleepy fog, I didn't see anything.  It wasn't until the next day we realized what had happened.  I'm buying a gun.
1.  Based on #2, we FINALLY moved!!!  For the first time living in Dallas, I actually feel like I'm "home" when I come home.

I win.
mr. overly competitive