World Cup Woes

I was so excited by the World Cup’s impending takeover of the sports world. . . . even in the overwhelmingly soccer I.Q.-less Nation of the U.S. of A.  Seriously, it’s like a transient bum.  The media attention comes in for a month every 4 years, steals your food and liquor, and then is gone.  On to the next stop.  But so far in the five days the World Cup has been playing, I’m getting quite bored.  The teams that should be playing brilliantly, are barely coming out with a win . . .if not a draw.  I’m talking about you France and Portugal.

I will say however, that I’m pretty pleased our team was able to pull out a draw with Merry-Ol’ England.  That’s what they get for producing the likes of Madonna and a kid named Apple.  Wait, Madonna’s from Michigan?  Why does she speak with a British accent then?  Stupid Carl.

The bonus of all this is that I work at a place that encourages us to stay up with the World Cup.  Therefore they have a full room dedicated to playing the games on a projection screen everyday.  Boo-ya!

So, since I can watch the World Cup all day, but have been less than impressed, I have some letters to write:

Yes, ladies.  It's true.

Photo Source

Letter #1
Dear Ronaldo,

Please spend less time taking dives and waxing your legs, and more time scoring goals.  Oh, and your hair gel is asking for a rest.

Sincerely,
mr. overly competitive

Letter #2
Dear Alexi Lalas,

Stop talking.

I hate you,
mr. overly competitive

Letter #3
Dear Media,

Yes, the Vuvuzelas are loud.  They are HORNS.
Yes, the ball is new and the players are going to complain about it.

We get it.  Loud noises and big balls scare you.  Get.Over.It.

I win.
mr. overly competitive