So I was driving to work today. In the rain. Getting cut off 3 times. By the same douchenozzle (thanks to Life on a Hanger for that clutch gem of an adjective noun). I also had just been privy to the "Grind My Gears" episode of Family Guy. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided that my blog needed a reoccurring theme of things that "Grind my Gears". So, welcome to the first episode of For the Love of . . . . .
1. For the Love of blinker fluid - people in Dallas think that a blinker is a signal for "I'm going to squeeze into this lane because I told you I was doing it, not because there is room for my Violet colored VWAss Bug." First off, bugaboo, you're a man . . . .driving a Beetle. . . . .that's violet . Secondly, you're a man. Minus 1 Man-card for you, sir. ThankYouVeryMuch. For the Love of blinker fluid.
Burn in H-E-double-hockey-sticks!
2. For the Love of video game envy - I am pretty addicted to this game Modern Warfare 2 for XBox (this is my stand-up-and-admit-I-have-a-problem portion of the show). I'm a nerd like that when it comes to this video game. Like Louis Skolnick nerdy.
(Damn this blog and my admissions of nerdery)
Anyways, I really get infuriated when I get killed online at this game only to hear a shrill, prepubescent 12 year-old voice telling me how much he's whoopin' my arse. Of course, I'm also envious. Envious that this little shit-streak just shot me in the face and is beating me at this game. Thanks, 1980. Thanks for birthing me before video games were a main-stay in households across America. For the Love of video game envy.
3. For the Love of Beggin' Strips - Ok, here's where I have to rag on myself. Why? Because self deprecation is what keeps my ego in check. Kind of like being in the band in high school. I wasn't, but I heard.
So, my new dog has a bit of separation anxiety. She doesn't like her crate. Whines like a little bia-tcha-cha when I put her in there. I am sure my neighbors love. . . .love. . . love. . . . . . .love.love.love.love.love.love me. I've been trying to figure out ways to break her of it, but I'm not as Cesar Milan as I thought I was. She learned to shake in under 10 minutes the other night, but I can't break the whining. Maybe I should break her off some Beggin' Strips . . . anyone have any other suggestions? For the Love of Beggin' Strips
This is me if I was not Caucasian and had come up
with a really cool superhero name like The Dog Whisperer
mr. overly competitive
lucky for you, I am an animal whisperer. For srs.
ReplyDeleteI need to know 1. what breed 2. how old 3. where you got her from
you're welcome for douchenozzle, i like to say CAPTAIN douchenozzle, but ya know, whatever.
I'm mildly obsessed with "shit-streak" so we can trade words now, this is what I call a mutually beneficial bloggership.
What the hell is it with grown ass men (in their 20's...which is not really grown, but i'm giving you guys cred) and the effing xbox? srsly!??!!? you're letting the wee ones get the best of you!! i don't get it. just don't.
see you later cooler zacH brown....
pee ess
ReplyDeleteyour word verification was just "GENEMA"
is that when "gen" gets an enema? so weird. i had to share.
First of all, I came here by way of my new blog bud Julie. Also a fan of Austin's blog. Also live in Dallas.
ReplyDeleteAlso freaking hate the way people drive here. It's ricockulous.One of these days I just know I'm gonna get arrested for going all Bowser Mario Kart all over these, (shall I try it out?) Yes douchenozzles. I'm getting all stressed out just thinking about the fact that I have to drive home in 45 minutes, and it's raining which just makes it even less appealing.
1. Breed - Boxer (pictures in previous post titled "Devil Dog")
ReplyDelete2. 9-10 months old
3. Boxer Rescue. She was owner surrendered so she took a vacay at the animal shelter for a couple weeks before being fostered for about 3-4 weeks.
I bow to you if you can help me cure her of this. If I can't make it work, I am going to give her a Genema! . . . . . No, no I won't. That's gross.
Douchenozzle is a noun.
ReplyDelete